Shoelace Muffins
by Heh Choke On This Puppy
Summary: Yeah... this is what happens when I need to write something and I decide to write nonsense, senseless, nonsense... dear lord.


Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Invader Zim characters, nope, I don't. And just to let you know, this story has no plot, makes no sense, and was made when I was in a dire need to write something and just had to do something senseless. So yeah. You might find that reading this is a total waste of your time, or maybe you'll be overly glad you read it. I'm hoping you choose the second one ^_^.  
  
-Flowerpot-  
  
"Munching monkeys!" Zim screamed as he stopped his Irish step dance and picked up the phone, which was covered in Italian dressing. "Hello, this is a plaid skirt from Underwear. Mommy?"  
  
The woman on the other end of the line laughed. "Oh, Zim, are you wearing your pig foot clogs again? I thought I told you to sneeze on my old hula skirt." Zim's eyes watered. "I'm sorry, ricecake, I only meant to swim in my pool overflowing with honey and muskrat eyeballs. Do you protest?"  
  
"Of course I don't protest!" the woman laughed. "Mary Sue likes to oblige when it comes to flipping over Granddaddy's coffin. Now, be a good mattress. Sleepy's, for the rest of your life!" she said before hanging up. Zim put down the phone, picking up a bottle of glue and eating it. "Man, does this Budweiser go well with my new curly hair," Zim said proudly, stroking his imaginary curls and skipping off.   
  
GIR descended from the land of Clap. "Aritah... HAH!" he said as he landed, coughing up artichokes. "Uncle Monty's mountain sure didn't sit well with my olive hat," GIR stated after burping the French alphabet. He sat down and began vomiting thousands of teddy bear heads before he fell onto his back and cried, his tears made of multi colored buttons. When he had finished, he leapt up on his feet and bowed. "Thank you, your Majesty, for having me," he said, saluting the wall. "You're very welcome!" said the wall, flaming toddlers floating out of its newly formed mouth. "Please take this oppurtunity to dance with my hairy moonfish, or else I shall have to rip your head off."  
  
"NO!" GIR screamed. "I will never succumb to your evil wills, no matter how fanciful!"  
  
The wall's lip trembled. "B-b-but, but... WAAAAAAAAAHHHH -- okie dokles."  
  
The hairy moonfish fell out of the ceiling, staring dejectedly at GIR, before swimming away in its own boogers.   
  
Suddenly Dib came bouncing through the window. "Hey, robot!! Let me put a dent in your head!"  
  
"No," GIR argued.   
  
"Okay," Dib said.  
  
"Are you looking to dance with Beulah, the everlasting pit of moss?" GIR asked, politely mooning Dib. Dib smiled. Mooning was the politest gesture ever created, and he was pleased to see that this robot's manners were well learned.   
  
"Why, yes," Dib said, inching forward on his walker, smiling to show that his teeth were made of fly wings. "You're an intelligent sack of Harry Potter CDs."  
  
GIR giggled, hopping around. "Well, Beulah is out the window. Would you like me to escort you?"  
  
"No," Dib said, "I'd rather take myself, thank you." His fly wing teeth flew out of his mouth and buzzed in the air a few seconds before returning to his gums. Smiling, he used his walker to get him to the toilet, where he flushed himself down to Zim's lab. "Beulah?" he called.   
  
"Who the hell is calling here? Matthew didn't open the garage doors yet." Zim got up from his work station where he had been working on murdering an eye patch.   
  
"Beulah, Beulah, calm your fluffy pillow down, it is simply my hair," Dib laughed as he threw the walker across the room and began waltzing with a deflated balloon. "Oh," Zim said, crossing his arms over his chest. "And I suppose you want me to believe that your hair hasn't taken a step forward into its red-rimmed destiny?"  
  
"What?" Dib screamed, stopping. "How dare you insult my uncle!"  
  
"What, did George Washington squish your pile of salt again?" Zim sneered.  
  
"No, but my tooth died yesterday," Dib said, his eyes watering. He quickly turned around and hid his face with his hands.  
  
"Oh, stop screeching like a newborn pepper shaker," Zim said, rolling his eyes. He went to get the teapot so he could make some blueberry bubblegum. Dib wiped his feet, patting them. He ran over to Eeyore's tail and climbed over the rainbow, where he landed on a bluebird. The bluebird died.   
  
"I am a curse to my mommy," Dib said as he landed in Zim's kitchen, where Zim was wearing an apron that said, "Screw the Hairbows, Daddy!"  
  
"Hey, moron, would you like some bleeding gums?" Zim asked Dib. "Affirmative, retard," Dib said, giving him the thumbs up signal. Zim poured Dib a cup of bleeding gums and handed it to him. He took a sip of it and spit it out. "This tastes like armadillo crap!" he commented.  
  
"You don't like it?" Zim whined, turning away to stare dejectedly at twenty cages which were holding armadillos, who were pooping into little cups. The poop went into the tea kettle that Zim had used. There was a bowl in each of the armadillos' cages, with the word "laxatives" scrawled across them.  
  
"Hell no I don't like it," said Dib as he threw the cup down and watched as pigeons attacked it.   
  
"Okay," Zim said as he took a sweater out of the closet and tied it around his boots. "I'm going to go look for a safety pin. Bye!" He rushed out of the house.  
  
"I guess I better go too," Dib said to the pigeons. One of them dipped his hat at him in a farewell gesture. "Happy Doodle Ding Dong!" Dib screamed, growing wings on his feet and flying out.  
  
GIR sneezed and the world went KABOOM.  
  
The end. 


End file.
